patho: (dis)
2013-08-07 11:14 pm
Entry tags:

Sleepless, consuming suffocation.

I don't want to have to talk about everything on here. I'm already feeling as if this venture will be pointless. I can only hope that the more and more I write, the more I will understand what it is that I'm going through -- that's what Hannibal claims, anyway.

Sometimes, I'm not that confident within his methods of psychiatry.

Once, he even dared to ask me directly about my parents, bringing up the question within the casual conversation. It was hardly professional.

He hasn't helped me much with anything. I'm still having sleepless nights, while hallucinations haunt my day. And I'm not a bit closer at figuring out why my brain seems so scattered. Sometimes, it's like I've been hijacked. My thoughts don't even seem like my own anymore.

Today has been especially bad. After the lecture I gave concerning the killer I spoke of a few days ago -- the media is calling him the Jack of Hearts, an even more sensational name than I had predicted -- I began to dissociate. It started off simple, my body feeling foreign and faraway. But the feeling quickly grew and developed into something consuming, a complete disconnect from reality. It was as if I was floating far behind myself and hanging, like a kite, by a thin string that tied me to this world. 
It was uncomfortable and the thought still leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

I don't exactly know what to expect out of my reality anymore.
patho: (pic#7387976)
2013-08-05 06:34 pm

Update, and New Case (via my iPhone)

I found myself having another sleepless night. Somehow, I don't seem to be getting accustomed to this new sleep schedule -- even still I'm glad that my sleepwalking seems to have subsided. But sometimes I still wake up, hardly able to recognize where I am. My nightmares are getting worse.

I haven't told Jack any of this, but I think he suspects that something must be up with me. I can't go a day without either Beverly or Alana eyeing me with a glance of morbid curiosity.

But all of that pales in comparison to the case I was put on today. 

I can't disclose many of the details -- even though I doubt there will be anyone else reading this entry -- and, needless to say, I don't want Freddie Lounds to find any valuable information directly from my own blog. So, again, I'll be keeping with the vague description the media was given until it becomes clear that I can share any more information.

He's killed three already, and I'm sure that most any news channel will be buzzing about him right now. I don't know what kind of hideous name they've given him, but I've started calling him 'The Painter'. It's short and sweet and doesn't bother to glorify himself or his kills in any way. Considering that a sort of grotesque fame is one of his reasons for the murders, I'd much rather not supply him with the product that he wants.

-- I want to continue writing this, in hopes that my thoughts concerning the case might clear up, but my dogs need to be let out. I'll try to keep you informed over the next few weeks.

And hopefully Dr. Lecter's advice on keeping a blog will actually help me. Thank you for everyone who's read this. Feel free to comment, like, or subscribe. Have a good day.